Kinda, sorta, not really all that coo

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I am in the midst of a challenge with a girlfriend to see who can lose 10% of their body weight the fastest. So far, we’re down about 3% with 4 weeks down and 8 to go. And I’m determined to win.

The winner gets a drunken binge night out and I can drink a lot. And I know she can drink a lot. And I don’t think I can afford to pay for her night out. So, I HAVE to win.

I just signed up for the Shrink Session Bootcamp (Challenge) to get me EXTRA motivated. I have two weeks coming up in the next 8 weeks that I am worried about, so I hope to have the weight lost before August 1 so I don’t even have to worry about that. And in order to not “plateau” out, I need a swift quick in the butt. So, here I go!

See you on the shrink side…

Motherhood Guilt

In 1997, my college roommates and I got a kitty from a farm in Iowa. She wasn’t really “mine,” in fact, I don’t think she liked me or I liked her at the time. She had a favorite roommate (Dan). However, I was the only one of the roomies set to graduate the following year, and the rest of the roomies couldn’t keep a cat, so I, by de facto, was stuck with her.

I was 21.

As the years went by, it was just Milli and me. We moved to Colorado together right after I turned 22. I had to relinquish her for a few months in my early 20s when I moved to a place that didn’t allow cats, but aside from that, she was with me through thick and thin, through heartbreaks, hangovers, hell, and high water.

And more.

Then, our little family grew. I moved in with Travis when she was about five years old. Travis loved her like his own. He was the greatest papa. He was able to do all the things I was too wimpy to do, like put her in her cat carrier, calm her down at the vet, and face the wrath of her claws when she was ALL DONE playing,

When Milli was about 10, we took her on the adventure of a lifetime when we moved to Germany. She survived a horrific, sweltering 11-hour flight in a small carrier under the seat in front of us. She was not happy.

But overall she liked Germany, and for two years she lived there and got to experience German life (as much as a cat who doesn’t leave the house can experience it, anyway) in the form of new cat food and litter. And that one, extra toasty spot on the bathroom floor that was randomly always warm.

Milli came home and settled back in to life in the US. By this time she’d lived in 11 places (hey, I moved a lot, what can I say?) and STILL hated the cat carrier and new homes.

Along came babies, and still Milli tolerated our little, nutty family. She survived the toddler phase of baby #1 chasing and tail pulling and tugging and swatting at her. And she was already handling #2 like a champ, in spite of the handfuls of fur he’d grab when given the chance. (Number 2 adored her already, and when she was nearby, his eyes were glued to her. Number 1 was a little freaked out at her by this time, but it was only a matter of time until Number 2 terrorized her and how.)

Over the past few years, Milli’s health had been sliding. I won’t go into all the details and I won’t try to justify anything, but two days ago we put her down. It was the most painful day of my life.

48 hours ago, as of this moment, Milli was still alive. I had the chance to say “Hey, this is silly, she’s fine, let’s go home.” I didn’t say that. 48 hours and 30 minutes ago, it was too late.

She was gone.

The reality was that Milli wasn’t fine. But, she could have lived longer. Who knows if it would have been weeks or years, but she had more life in her old bones. And I had her put down, anyway.

My faithful, loyal friend, through all those years. The one who trusted me explicitly. The one whose fur I cried in for many years, who was there through moves and boyfriends and sickness and health.

I will never forget the feeling of looking into her green eyes on Saturday and seeing her fear. And knowing I could stop it, I could love and cuddle and snuggle her just a little longer. And I let her go.

I’m sick about it, but I am trying to convince myself it was for the best. I know there is never an easy time to say goodbye. I am glad we did not let her die a long, exaggerated, painful death.

But I sure as hell miss her.

Lookie here!

Here I am! Again! Twice in a week (ish)!

Last week I was all, “I’m totally going to write EVERY SINGLE DAY.” And then the next day went by, and the next, and then - crap! I forgot. I guess once you’re in the habit of not doing something, getting back in the habit is a challenge.

Prior to our Vegas trip in March (yes, I went to Vegas! And I wasn’t pregnant!), I busted my butt for four weeks to lose 10 pounds. And the morning of the trip, I stepped on the scale and I was at the number I wanted to be at EXACTLY. I was thrilled.

Then I went to Vegas and I ate and drank my way back up 4 pounds.

Then I continued to not diet for 4 more weeks until I was back up 2 more pounds, a total of 6 pounds up…

…which is still four pounds down from where I started! (Glass is half full, people!)

But anyway, I’m back - five weeks later - to counting calories and depriving myself of delicious chocolate and cookies and cupcakes. I have two goals:
1. Lose 15 pounds by July 1 (the day we leave to go back to Iowa for my grandpa’s 100th birthday, in which about 90 of my family members will be attending). FIFTEEN POUNDS. It sure sounds lofty. However if I was able to lose 10 pounds in 4 weeks, surely I can lose 15 in 10? SURELY?

2. Lose 10 MORE pounds from July 8 to August 30, when we leave for Mexico.

That will put me down right around where I was when I got married which is more than perfect for me. Sure, I still won’t be wearing a bikini to show off my baby stretch marks, but I will feel a heckuva lot better in my one-piece.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some celery to go eat.

Hello. Is it me you’re looking for?

Hello, and welcome to the home of the world’s worst blogger.

Connor is six months now and I have barely even introduced you all to him. He’s cute.  But he’s not, however, entirely sure about that Easter Bunny guy.

My new year’s resolution (which I always said should start WHENEVER you want it to, just do it for 365 days) is starting today. You’ll be seeing me again.

(Note: I am feeling all cocky because I got a little sleep last night. Connor was only up 3 times! And he slept in his own bed in his own room for the entire night for the FIRST TIME EVER.)


Somehow, it has been 12 weeks since Mr. Connor came into our lives. (Almost 13, in fact.)

Somehow, I have to take myself away from his little loving body all day today.

At least today and next week he will be getting loves from grandmas. But in two weeks, on January 20, he is already off to daycare. Where two strangers juggle eight little bodies, of which my sweet, sweet love is just another baby to them.

As you can see, this has been difficult.

Brady didn’t go to daycare until he was 5 months old, and that felt a lot more “right.” Even that was hard. This… there are no words. I have a lump in my throat at the thought. And I’ve been trying to snuggle him extra tight, extra long, even at 3 a.m. Because I will sure miss that little lump.

I’m not sure how I will do this.

I make cute babies

Just sayin.

Connor joined us on Tuesday at 2 a.m. A respectable 8 days early. Maybe all that whispering to my belly “I’ll love you most if you come early” actually worked!

Day 7…

Well, I am beginning to doubt the doctor’s prediction of 10 days or less. I am also beginning to consider other, natural alternatives. I have to remember that I’m only 2 weeks away, regardless, and that really isn’t so much time. However, I’m still wishing my doctor hadn’t given me the “ten days or less” prediction because now I REALLY want it to happen in 10 days or less…

Things I did for pregnancy 1 which I will not be trying for pregnancy 2:

  • A-1 sauce on mac and cheese
  • pineapple, fresh, ripe pineapple by the caseload (ok I probably “only” ate 1-2 a day but my mouth was raw from it!)
  • eggplant parmesan

Things I did try for pregnancy 1 (which didn’t work) which I am also trying for pregnancy 2:

  • spicy foods
  • lots of walking
  • nipple stimulation (um, yes, but instead of the pump for 3 hours a day for 3 days, I just tried it one time for about an hour)
  • sauerkraut

Things I did not try for pregnancy 1 which I am considering trying for pregnancy 2:

  • castor oil

Castor oil sounds vile but apparently it works in something like 57% of women. I figure it has to be better than Pitocin, but I am not sure.

And then there’s this other, crazy idea that I could just let the baby come when he’s ready. WEIRD.


I’m in the midst of once per week doctor’s appointments now, and after the experience with Brady, where I drug Travis along to every single one because OHMYGOD THE DOCTOR COULD PUT ME IN THE HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW AND WE COULD HAVE A BABY TODAY, I have calmed down a bit this time. You see, Brady burned me by being eons late, and I have just resigned myself to the fact that my vagina’s nickname is Fort Knox and there will be no early parole for anyone.

However. Today. at 37 weeks. My doctor said it will happen in the next 10 days or less.

Holeeeeeyshit. We are seriously not ready for this.

And even less ready? Mr. Brady, who is going to have to share mama and papa. Yikes.

The things that keep me entertained…

Now that Amendment 64 passed in Colorado, which legalizes and regulates recreational marijuana, a girlfriend and I are coming up with names for our new chain of stores.


  • Weed ‘n Feed (gotta get your Cheetos, too!)
  • Pot Stop
  • Mountain High
  • Bowl Hole
  • Fly High (airport location)



I have been a bit, well, intrigued with election results - and there aren’t even any in yet. So I, along with the rest of y’all, will wait.

It sounds like there are some shenanigans going on (as there always are) and I hope this result isn’t marred in controversy like it has been in years past. My ultimate hope is that the winner is so clear cut everyone else will bow down and accept it and get over it.  Unless, of course, the winner is Romney.

(Did you notice how yesterday I tried to be all PC and unbiased? Yeah, I thought about doing that here, too.)

In other news, I am seeing a lot of people post things they are thankful for on Facebook this month. Since my cup overfloweth, I’ve decided if I’m ever stumped for posts I will do a “gratitude” post or two. I love it when people express gratitude and appreciate what they’ve got. It makes me feel all warm and snuggly.




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