SupaCoo

I have this thing about needles. I don’t know when it started because I haven’t always had it, but whenever it started it started BIG.

A few years ago I went to get an innocent flu shot at work and I froze up. Standing in line, I got so worked up that I made myself sick to my stomach and not only did I never get the shot, I also had to leave work early. I am THAT pathetic.

Suffice it to say, I have NEVER had a flu shot and even when I am forced to get shots at the doctor, I work myself into such a panic that I am practically crying by the time they’re swabbing my arm up.

So it should surprise no one that I have never given blood. Because - gah! - that would involve a needle in my arm for far, far longer than I care to have one in there.

But yesterday the mobile blood drive came to work and I decided to conquer my fear and tick one off the bucket list. I steeled myself and went in, thinking of all the thousands of people that do this every single day and SURVIVE. And how important it is to the community. And on and on.

After answering 49(!) questions about myself and my lifestyle, I was taken into a little consultation room where the guy sat down and reviewed my answers. I kept hoping that something would throw me out - my tetanus shot 8 weeks ago? My trip to Egypt in February? There’s got to be SOMETHING that will get me out of this, right? Then the interviewer asked if I’d traveled out of the country in the past 12 months.

Well, yeah.

17 countries (each one needing to be looked up in a book to make sure I was safe) and 40 minutes later, they finally plopped me in a chair. The problem was that I had a meeting at this 40-minute-later-mark, and I had no idea that this blood thing was also going to include a background check on my entire family, including the cat. So, I let them at me, thinking I’d just go to my meeting a few minutes late. They’d see the huge wrap on my arm and all would be forgiven.

The blood donation went ok. I can’t say it was the funnest experience of my life, but I kept telling myself that someone, somewhere, needed my liquid gold. And when they pulled my plug and released me back into the wild, I ran up to my meeting, sat down, and promptly passed out.

The “Oh shit, call 9-1-1″ scream snapped me out of it pretty damn quick, and I tried to encourage an un-call of 911. Unless the firemen came first, and unless they were hot. Otherwise, I was fine.

Mortified and embarrassed, but for the most part, fine.

Needless to say, I was taken out of the meeting and back to the blood van where they checked my vitals and deemed it time for me to go home. Because no matter what shenanigans I tried, they weren’t going to bring out the hot firefighters.

I’ll have to come up with another tactic next time around.

July 14th, 2010 | Category: random | Comments (2)

Last week, Travis and I celebrated five years of marriage.

Separately, of course. Who wants to actually celebrate an anniversary together?

We had planned for YEARS to go to a wedding in Kansas City on this weekend. And by “years” I mean, we knew we’d go to this wedding even before we knew there’d be a wedding. He’s THAT kind of friend. So when the date was announced and it happened to be our anniversary - great. We’ll celebrate it by a mini holiday!

Then about two weeks ago my boss springs a trip to Chicago on me. Now, I do love me some Chicago and I do love me some airplane time (seriously, I can not get enough!), but my conference ended on Friday and I was scheduled to take the flight to KC about three hours after returning from Chicago.

Until my plane decided to “divert due to weather” and park it’s big ass in Colorado Springs for almost four hours.

Now, you’d think that if this so called “weather” situation is so dire, planes wouldn’t be able to take off FROM Denver either, right? That’s kind of what I was banking on. Oh no, they left right on time. With my husband in the friendly skies.

I was depressed and bitter, but I eventually made it to KC and to the wedding and got to spend the day AFTER with my honey. I guess there’s always next year.

June 17th, 2010 | Tags: La | Category: random | Comments (3)

I am sitting here in Chicago at a conference taking advantage of FREE WIRELESS! I’ve been listening to speakers all morning and am on a break now, and since I’ve done the important things like get caught up on facebook work, I figured I’d better blog.

Life has been SO CRAZY I can’t even begin to describe it. To think five weeks ago I was living halfway around the world. Since then I’ve moved twice, gone out of state twice, bought a car, and bought a really expensive and also tiny house. I know - what’s the big deal, right? That’s only one life-changing moment per week. Chill out already!

Now that I think/feel/hope things are settling down a bit, I have decided it’s time to get SERIOUSLY SERIOUS about getting back to the gym. The two years in Germany (otherwise known as binge on beer and carbs years) have really rounded me out. So on Sunday I went to a sculpt yoga class, which is yoga with weights. How good of an idea is that, people? NOT A GOOD ONE. Then yesterday before flying to Chi-town, I thought I’d better hit the gym again and went to a “Fit” class. Three little letters. Three little letters that spell MAJOR PAIN. Apparently this was gymnastics day and we tumbled and cartwheeled and even did the rings. (Ok, I didn’t really do any of those things because I am physically incapable.) Then to follow that all up, we did full body squats coupled with sprints. And this morning? I was so sore I could not even sleep. What. The. FUCK. Trying to walk miles upon miles in heels today is just awesome.

Anyway, I’d better hobble my sore, sore ass back to the lectures now.

June 8th, 2010 | Category: random | Comments (2)

This weekend, we spent some time with Nana, Travis’ grandma, who has recently been moved to an assisted care place. Yesterday we agreed to be good grandkids and take her out to lunch after church. But actually going to church? Oh no. Instead we went to the casino and won $70 bones. Now THAT’S finding religion.

(Hi, I’m a heathen. If you never hear from me again check hell, because I could be struck down for saying something like that.)

So anyway, I’m hanging out minding my own business when Nana’s chauffeur returns her from service. The chauffeur does a quick meet and greet and then says “Oh, Erin, can you give me a hand? Nana needs to use the bathroom.”

I threw up in my mouth.

Then I punched Travis because this was so not fair.

I took her down to her room and helped her… you know. And I saw… yeah, that. And also? DID I MENTION TRAVIS OWES ME?

There are many very, very good reasons I am not a nurse, and 90-year old vaginas is one of them.

May 24th, 2010 | Category: random | Comments (1)

Oh, it is? Well thank GOD for that.

I really intended to write more than once a week, but somehow this week got away from me. We’re taking our first “vacation” this weekend to Albuquerque, and I say “vacation” in quotes because it’s really just a family trip to visit the in-laws. And I won’t go into how I could fly the same distance a month ago and be in an entirely different country with an entirely different language and an entirely different line of beers, but you’ve all heard me whine about that enough.

So, we travel this weekend, we close (hopefully) on a place next week, we move next weekend, and then somewhere in the coming days after that my life stops being tumultuous and starts being normal again. Because frankly, the past two months have been quite enough upheaval already, thankyouverymuch, and I’m ready to unpack the suitcase and stuff it somewhere for at least a month or two.

May 21st, 2010 | Category: random | Comments (1)

I have been in a bit of a funk the past two weeks (wherein “bit” and “funk” are complete understatements and really I should say “I have been contemplating the meaning of life and the space-time continuum with accompanying suicidal notions”), and I apologize for not blogging. I *USED* to be really loyal with this but I have had life sucked out of me a bit and haven’t had much motivation.

HOWEVER. Things are finally starting to look up a little. I realize it was just two weeks ago that I cried for 90 minutes straight about not owning a hair dryer and how I thought the world was ending and I OWNED A HAIR DRYER IN GERMANY, DAMMIT, I SHOULD HAVE STAYED THERE. Everyone told me things would get easier (blah blah blah) and i would love it again and even that made me cry because I didn’t WANT things to get easier and I didn’t WANT to love it again. I wanted to be in Germany with our easy little uncomplicated (for the most part) lives.

So basically? I’ve been a real champ to live with lately. Awesome ball of hysterical emotions. Couple that with the stress of buying a house, of having everything you own in boxes, saran-wrapped up on pallets, in a garage. Oh, and times it by the fact that you’re living out of a suitcase in the ATTIC of a garage. And I’m not complaining or anything (really, it might sound like I am but I’m not) because we have a free, decent place to stay (even if it IS a garage), we have a free truck to drive (even if it is a total POS).

But things are improving, albeit not as quickly as I’d like, and before I know it I’m sure I’ll be back to my regular old rock and roll lifestyle of past.

Until then… there’s still tears, just not as many.

May 14th, 2010 | Category: sucky | Comments (1)

In the first 24 hours since I  got back to the US, I cried uncontrollably about how unfair life was now that my European vacation was over.

In the 48 hours after that, I looked at over 30 properties to try to decide where to live.

In the following week, we bought a loft downtown (doesn’t “loft” sound so much cooler and impressive than “condo”?)

Then we spent three grand on bikes and biking equipment so we could prepare for RAGBRAI.

That brings us to today.

I miss Germany like crazy but am adjusting to the crazy life of three hour commutes, freak May snowstorms, and general “back to reality” type scenarios. It’s definite culture shock, but (most days) it feels good to be home.

May 10th, 2010 | Category: random | Comments (3)

There’s a huge long list of things I will miss about living in Germany, and here is a sample:

• The beer
• The public transportation
• The great recycling programs
• Getting drunk at work (and getting paid for it!)

About once a month, there is an occasion to be celebrated - a baby born, a wedding, a new job in the company. So once a month, we bring down the champagne glasses and pour a toast to the lucky soul.

Today, that lucky one was me.

We sat around for about an hour this morning (yes, MORNING, as in BEFORE 11!) and got wasted and ate cake. I much prefer this style over the tea and crumpets.

The only problem with this whole tactic is that now I’m completely worthless (or worthless-er) as I need a major pass out nap.

April 27th, 2010 | Category: random | Comments (2)

Damn. I wrote an entire post about my wedding registry and how people should have to buy me all new stuff because we sold everything when we moved. And now I’d kinda like it back.

And the post was the usual, funny, witty, brilliant prose you’ve come to expect from me. Except I apparently didn’t save it.

Whatever, it doesn’t matter. The point is, I’m going to make a registry and encourage people to shop for me, since my life has been reduced down to almost NO material goods. Let me know if you’ve got some money burning a hole in your pocket and I’ll let you buy me a gift.

April 21st, 2010 | Category: random | Comments (1)