Here we are, a Friday night, watching Extreme Home Makeover and trying to stay awake until 9:00. What a rock and roll lifestyle! I can’t quite even remember what we did before this masterpiece known as Brady came along, but I had a feeling it involved a lot more booze…
Once upon a time, I had a blog that I updated faithfully. Then, I moved to Germany and started a second blog, but continued to maintain this one as well. Then, I moved back from Germany and decided I didn’t have anything to write about, so I slacked off.
But then, just to liven things up a bit, I got knocked up specifically so I could have something to write about. But did I? NO.
So, after nine months of having great material and not getting it down, what do I do? I go and hatch the child. Talk about a cornicopia of blog material!
But still, I fail.
We have Santa sightings and spit up stories and “check out my badass son who can already roll over, thankyouverymuch” stories. Basically, mama is drying up over here. I never wanted to be a mommy blogger, but now that’s about all there is to me. I’m a new, redefined person, and I’m still trying to figure her out.
Hopefully soon I can get back in the habit of witty, sarcastic blog posts that don’t bore all the single ladies (dare you to read that and not sing Beyonce). Please hang with me until then.
I haven’t logged in to the blog lately, so I was surprised to see three comments waiting in moderation. One was from Miss Mile High, who I adore. The other two were nothing but spam, but at least the spammers are getting more entertaining!
The first one was from AKO Webmail. Nice name! Do I call you AKO, or Mr. Webmail? How about I just go by your initials of AKOW? Ok, then, this is what AKOW had to say:
keep up the good work on the blog. I kinda like it! Could use some more frequent updates, but im sure you got more or better stuff to do , hehe.
Completely true! I almost didn’t believe it was spam. But again. that whole AKO Webmail thing. Oh, and also their URL looked like a virus. Whatever.
The second spam was a little more exciting. This one came from Demarcus:
51. What i do not understood is actually how you are not actually much more well-liked than you might be now. You are so intelligent. You realize thus considerably relating to this subject, made me personally consider it from a lot of varied angles. Its like women and men aren’t fascinated unless it’s one thing to accomplish with Lady gaga! Your own stuffs excellent. Always maintain it up!
First off, I’m not sure what the 51 refers to, but how can I be picky? This guy NAILS it. How am I not more well liked? Because I AM intelligent, dammit. Although I’m not intelligent enough to understand what “thus considerably relating to this subject” means, but I’m glad I’m helping him see it from new angles. And dammit all, that Lady Gaga just signals the end of the world, doesn’t she?
Thanks, spammers, for the giggle this morning. I shall MAINTAIN IT UP, bitches!
As always, I have millions of things to be thankful for…
I’ll be back at work in 2.5 weeks. That means Brady will be 12 weeks old. Unbelievable.
Brady is a great “on” sleeper, meaning he loves to sleep on warm bodies. Put him down in the crib and you’ve got about 30 seconds, so pee, eat, do whatever you need QUICK. But hold him and he’ll sleep for hours.
Some afternoons I just sit and hold him and stare at the wall and think, surely, even though it’s a bit boring and sometimes unimaginably difficult, even the worst days with that baby in my arms are better than the best days at the office.
And in 2.5 weeks, I will no longer have the luxury of holding that small bundle in my arms and just watching him breathe. That will be a sad, sad day.
It’s November, so that means - once again - it’s NaBloPoMo. But, for the first time in… well, a long time, I’m not even going to ATTEMPT this thirty days straight feat. Because I don’t like trying things that I know will fail, and that is that.
However, I will try to update this blog more during November, so instead of once every other week there may be (wait for it) one a week or something crazy.
I KNOW. Totally awesome.
Even if I had time to update every day (which I possibly could, at 3 a.m. when Brady’s done eating but I’m still wide awake; or maybe while we’re on our daily walks, which put him to sleep for his one and only nap of the day; or possibly even at night, like I am now, if I choose to sacrifice my sleep), my daily life is not nearly as exciting as it once was. My posts would be like “Hey, I got projectile pooped on AGAIN today!” or “OMG, you’ll never believe the yellow crusty thing I just found in my cleavage!”
So that’s my tale of a rockstar life. In the meantime, feel free to shoot over to SuperSchnitzel.com, my “safe for parents, grandparents, and nanas” blog for pics or video of cutest, non-nappiest* baby ever.
*nappiest is in relation to sleep, not hair. Because this kid has lost his hair. So, I guess that does make him non-nappy, but still not what I meant.
Sometimes I feel like I was a wet nurse in my previous life since that is ALL I DO some days.
TMI? Sorry.
On Saturday night, Travis went to a heavy metal concert and left me as babysitter. THE NERVE! Not only do I take care of his child for countless hours during the week, now THIS too??
He came home half deaf, conveniently enough, and couldn’t “hear” Brady’s cries. Nice work, honey.
Now fast forward a few days and Travis has yet ANOTHER heavy metal concert to go to tonight.
What.
The.
Fuck.
Saturday was one thing, because he was at least here to help during the day. But tonight? I have to manage this child all day and all night ALL BY MYSELF? How on earth do single mothers do this?
Someone owes me a serious spa weekend. Or trip to Vegas. Or both.
Brady turned a big, fat, old man age of SIX WHOPPING WEEKS yesterday. This means that any second now (according to books) he will start smiling socially and not just smile because of gas. GO BABY GO! We’ve gotten a couple of half-assed smiles from him but nothing that I have been quick enough to capture on camera.
I feel kind of like a bad mom because for the past six weeks I’ve spent my time looking forward to the next milestone (”I can’t wait for him to smile!” or “It will be so great when he can sit up.” or “If only I didn’t have to burp him anymore.” etc.) instead of enjoying and savoring THIS moment. Just the other day, I held him on my lap while he drifted off to sleep and I thought “There is no place else in the world I’d rather be right now.” And I meant it! Of course, when he was screaming less than five minutes later that blissful moment was long forgotten.
Before I know it, these next six weeks will have blown by and I will be back at work, missing the projectile poops and spit-up in my hair. Someone said today “Just think, only six weeks left until you’re back at work and can relax during the day.” SO TRUE.
It’s hard to believe that little man turns SIX WEEKS OLD this week, which means I’m halfway through my maternity leave. On some days, I’m like “Can’t I go back today, please?” and other days I’m more like “I never want this moment to end.” I will admit, he can be kind of snuggly. He can also be a pooping, spitting up, hair pulling psychopath. But even that is kind of cute.
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