SupaCoo

I have been in a bit of a funk the past two weeks (wherein “bit” and “funk” are complete understatements and really I should say “I have been contemplating the meaning of life and the space-time continuum with accompanying suicidal notions”), and I apologize for not blogging. I *USED* to be really loyal with this but I have had life sucked out of me a bit and haven’t had much motivation.

HOWEVER. Things are finally starting to look up a little. I realize it was just two weeks ago that I cried for 90 minutes straight about not owning a hair dryer and how I thought the world was ending and I OWNED A HAIR DRYER IN GERMANY, DAMMIT, I SHOULD HAVE STAYED THERE. Everyone told me things would get easier (blah blah blah) and i would love it again and even that made me cry because I didn’t WANT things to get easier and I didn’t WANT to love it again. I wanted to be in Germany with our easy little uncomplicated (for the most part) lives.

So basically? I’ve been a real champ to live with lately. Awesome ball of hysterical emotions. Couple that with the stress of buying a house, of having everything you own in boxes, saran-wrapped up on pallets, in a garage. Oh, and times it by the fact that you’re living out of a suitcase in the ATTIC of a garage. And I’m not complaining or anything (really, it might sound like I am but I’m not) because we have a free, decent place to stay (even if it IS a garage), we have a free truck to drive (even if it is a total POS).

But things are improving, albeit not as quickly as I’d like, and before I know it I’m sure I’ll be back to my regular old rock and roll lifestyle of past.

Until then… there’s still tears, just not as many.

May 14th, 2010 | Category: sucky | Comments (1)

In the first 24 hours since I  got back to the US, I cried uncontrollably about how unfair life was now that my European vacation was over.

In the 48 hours after that, I looked at over 30 properties to try to decide where to live.

In the following week, we bought a loft downtown (doesn’t “loft” sound so much cooler and impressive than “condo”?)

Then we spent three grand on bikes and biking equipment so we could prepare for RAGBRAI.

That brings us to today.

I miss Germany like crazy but am adjusting to the crazy life of three hour commutes, freak May snowstorms, and general “back to reality” type scenarios. It’s definite culture shock, but (most days) it feels good to be home.

May 10th, 2010 | Category: random | Comments (3)

There’s a huge long list of things I will miss about living in Germany, and here is a sample:

• The beer
• The public transportation
• The great recycling programs
• Getting drunk at work (and getting paid for it!)

About once a month, there is an occasion to be celebrated - a baby born, a wedding, a new job in the company. So once a month, we bring down the champagne glasses and pour a toast to the lucky soul.

Today, that lucky one was me.

We sat around for about an hour this morning (yes, MORNING, as in BEFORE 11!) and got wasted and ate cake. I much prefer this style over the tea and crumpets.

The only problem with this whole tactic is that now I’m completely worthless (or worthless-er) as I need a major pass out nap.

April 27th, 2010 | Category: random | Comments (2)

Damn. I wrote an entire post about my wedding registry and how people should have to buy me all new stuff because we sold everything when we moved. And now I’d kinda like it back.

And the post was the usual, funny, witty, brilliant prose you’ve come to expect from me. Except I apparently didn’t save it.

Whatever, it doesn’t matter. The point is, I’m going to make a registry and encourage people to shop for me, since my life has been reduced down to almost NO material goods. Let me know if you’ve got some money burning a hole in your pocket and I’ll let you buy me a gift.

April 21st, 2010 | Category: random | Comments (1)

You have to read between the lines a little, but it totally did.

April 13th, 2010 | Category: random | Comments (1)

Yes, I realize I’m 34 years old and my parents don’t know I drink. Yes, I realize that’s insane. Yes, really, they do not suspect a thing. (Everyone always says “They HAVE to know!” but really? They don’t.)

Earlier this week when my mom was still here, we were on the subway when I ran into one of the approximately 20 people I know in the whole city, a friend from Australia. I said “Patrick! Hey!” and he said “Oh, hey!” After some small chat he asked me if he’d see me Bier Biking on Saturday.

Of course we’ll be on the Bier Bike because we organized it as our going away party. This should be obvious. However, I was sitting with MY MOM. I wanted to find a hole and dive right in.

I put on my halo and said “Um, no? I don’t think so?” like I didn’t know what he was talking about.

He gave me this weird look like “Why did I pay you 30 euros then if you’re not doing this Bier Bike?” but he didn’t say anything except “Oh, really? Ok.” Thank you, Patrick, for stopping there.

When he got off the train, my mom turned to me and said “Are you doing WHAT on Saturday?” and I replied, shrugging, “I have no idea, I couldn’t understand him. Some kind of biking? But I’ve already sold my bike so that’s not going to happen.”

She replied, “Yes, his accent is really heavy. I thought he asked if you were going bee-bopping on Saturday.”

I giggled, and since I can’t tell a lie, I replied, “Well, I’m DEFINITELY not bee-bopping on Saturday.”

April 9th, 2010 | Category: random | Comments (1)

Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted. YOU try entertaining parents for three weeks while also moving across the planet and let me know how that goes.

We’ve started selling our stuff which is both good (yay, money!) and bad (boo, sleeping on the floor!). But in the process of selling, I am starting to run into CRAZIES. Like this guy, who wanted to buy a desk chair and has since called me three times in the last 30 minutes. READ THIS E-MAIL and tell me if you agree with why I’m not taking his calls.

hi
ok i been following you at flicker
; what you will over for the 2 table lamp
, i have a mac .
you can keep the wife ( in Egypt and some where u still can and have to pay for a wife..)
but what about the camel in your trip to Egypt , do u have its e-mail address …!
i do not know how u survive Egypt driving + Noises
i will contact u for the chair u may leave it till u finish from it what ever easy for u
thank you
Maj

What.
The.
FUCK?

That e-mail is so random I feel like I’m still on drugs when I read it. Or maybe I SHOULD be.

And then there is the other guy who has called me no less than EIGHT TIMES in TWO DAYS and YES CAPITAL LETTERS ARE REQUIRED TO EXPRESS MY ANNOYANCE AT THIS. See, apparently he needs to ask my fucking permission for every change in plans there is, like if he should take a shit now or wait til Saturday. I’m not taking HIS calls either. Somehow I am always on a conference call when he rings - amazing how many conference calls I’m on!

(I shit you not, the phone just rang, I was distracted because I was typing, I picked it up - NINE TIMES. I am talking to him right now.)

It’s really unfortunate that gun control laws are so strict in this country.

April 8th, 2010 | Category: annoying | Leave a comment

Last week, Travis started getting sick. I did my usual “nurse” duties, which is make fun of him a little, tell him to take medicine, and then make him cook my dinner.

Now, that might sound a little selfish, but really? NOT AT ALL. Here’s why:

While letting him cook my dinner, I basically wrote him an open invitation to give me all of his germs. How nice, right? Wife o’ the year, indeed. Because he got over his illness in about, oh, seven hours thanks to me TAKING ALL OF HIS GERMS AWAY.

Me, on the other hand, got the serious goodies. I even had a fever of 38.2 when I went to the doctor on Monday. (Sounds cold, huh?) Two hours later when I remembered to look that up online, I realized it was 101 in “stuff I understand” language.

Have I mentioned my love for Germany lately? Because this is where I REALLY love Germany. The doctor on Monday gave me a sick note for the ENTIRE WEEK. That means not only am I excused from work for a week, it also means that it is actually illegal to go into the office. So I do that thing called stay home and get well. It’s a strange concept. I’m really hoping it’s included in the new U.S.  health care bill I keep hearing rumors about.

This little bug-type-thing I have has also boded well for my quirky weird side. You see, we have an entire drawer full of random cold meds and since I don’t want to have to pack them and move them back to the U.S. in four weeks, I’ve been pill popping almost hourly. Most of these pills are just sealed in their  little tin foil packaging with no names because I threw the box out long ago when we got down to the last two.

Remember when you were a kid and some stores had those grab bag things? Just brown paper bags with random weird crap in like a pencil and a top and some stickers? That’s our pill drawer. I reach in and go “Oh look, a shiny red one!” and next thing I know, I’m asleep at 10 in the morning because apparently? That wasn’t non-drowsy. I had a nice little green and blue number a few hours ago that I really wish I could find more of because it was like six shots of tequila without the horribleness of it actually being tequila. I was a real party there for awhile and entertained the whole house.

Of course Travis’ (and probably any rational human being’s) take on it is that it’s just a few pills. They don’t take up THAT much room in a box to ship back. But tell me, what’s the fun in THAT?

And if I ever do find those green and blue jobbers again, I’m totally going to deal them.

March 18th, 2010 | Category: The better half | Comments (4)

Imagine three hot chicks at a party, all mingling and being social. Imagine us befriending one handsome young stud, and throwing in the casual “So how do YOU know (insert host’s name here)?”

The correct answer would be something along the lines of how you’ve been friends for ages or you work together or even he’s your gay cousin. Got it?

The FAIL answer, if you want to continue talking to these three hot chicks, is “We’ve played Dungeons and Dragons online together for years.” I think all three of us went ‘whaaaaaaaaaaaa’ at once. When we’d pulled ourselves together, he continued talking about his Magic the Gathering card trading.

Maybe he wasn’t trying to pick up women after all.

March 16th, 2010 | Category: random | Comments (1)